Ever since I reported on the FABResearch food and addiction conference a few weeks ago, I have been listening rather more carefully to reports about mental health. My attention was therefore caught by a piece on the radio a few days ago (no doubt in the wake of Robin Williams’ suicide) about the ever increasing numbers of suicides among men between the ages of 18 and 40.
This is a sad but relatively well known statistic. But what attracted my attention was the interview with a woman who had been a Samaritans volunteer for many years, who said that the vast majority of the calls that they receive are from women. Eh?… But the vast majority of suicides are young men.
The difference, she said, was that women talk about their situation and their feelings of desperation; young men don’t. Young men are naturally inclined to act, and often to act dramatically, as a way of expressing their feelings – not to talk about them. So, even though a young woman may go on actually to commit suicide, she is much more likely to call the Samaritans first and talk about what she has in mind to do, so there is at least some chance that she may be ‘talked down’. But for a young man, action – actually doing the deed – comes much more naturally and, if they are feeling desperate enough, is much more appealing than admitting the way the feel and talking about it.
Which only emphasises the vital importance of, if at all possible, talking, talking, talking. But sadly, the suicides of all too many young men come totally and devastatingly out of the blue. Because they cannot admit to how they are feeling they have hidden those feelings from everyone, and especially from their family – which means that talking has never even been given a chance.
So tragic though the death of famous and successful people such as Robin Williams may be, one can only hope that knowing that you are not the only one wanting to end your life and that rich, successful and famous people feel the same, might just go a little way to pushing a suicidal young man into seeking help before it is too late.
I think we have all been sad to hear Robin William’s news. One of his fierce problems was financial. He was such a generous man, had so many really wealthy friends, I couldn’t help but feel that if they’d clubbed together and given him a large cheque he would probably have burst into tears and known that he was deeply loved, and not needed to take his life. He mentioned his financial straits to many of his pals. Did they reach out? Unlikely.
The reason I write this is because some years ago I was completely on my uppers, didn’t know when my next crust would come. Jojo and I met as temp secretaries at NatWest in Berkeley Square in 1975, we laughed the whole fortnight, STEAMED through the workload (to the bank’s amazement, we were both VERY fast and accurate typists). She rang to say she was coming round.
When she entered she handed me an envelope and told me to open it then and there. I did. In it was her cheque for £10,000 made out to me. I burst into tears. I don’t know how she knew, but that was the amount I owed the bank. When her mother died she inherited millions, “I’m awash with dosh” she described herself. That’s not the point. She reached into her pocket and gave me a fortune (to me). Her kindness and generosity overwhelmed me.
Some time later I was in a position to help Jojo. She came to supper and during the meal started to cry, sobbing piteously. I’d never seen her cry before, so instinctively I wanted to help and protect her! She was one of three private secretaries (as opposed to secretaries in the chairman’s office) to the chairman of one of the oldest private banks in the city. She was being bullied. I let her cry. Then said to her that next morning she must go to see the Chairman, explain what was happening to her, and resign. She followed my suggestion. Of course the chairman couldn’t let her do that, not after hearing her reason. That was the end of the bullying. Standing up for herself had not been part of her life, and now formed part of her character.
What a pity Robin Williams’s friends didn’t think of reaching into their deep pockets and giving him a massive gesture of love and solidarity.
One of Robin Williams’s great friends was Christopher Reeve, Superman. When Reeve’s widow died, Robin took over the care of his two sons as if they were his own. There are many stories like that, his generosity was boundless. That financial worries were part of his mental problems is so sad. Apparently his alimony settlements to his two former wives were the weights that broke him. So sad.