‘I am sorry Mrs X, but I am afraid that your son has tested positive to peanuts, nuts, eggs and milk. This does mean that he has allergies to all of those foods and that his allergies could be life threatening.’
As you feel the panic rising in your throat at what this may mean and how you are to even start to cope, grab hold of the thought that others have been here before you. There is a whole community of allergy parents out there just waiting to throw you a lifeline, advise, suggest, share tips and coping strategies and pick you up when it all gets too much.
A number of them have written books about their experiences and what they have learnt about living with allergies. The most recent, and one of the very best, is Alexa Baracaia’s My Family and Food Allergies.
Alexa’s son Sydney is now ten and has just gone on his very first four night away school trip on his own (a real milestone for any family with a seriously allergic child). Sydney was diagnosed as a baby with allergies to eggs, nuts, peanuts, sesame – and bananas. Ten years in, he is still allergic to peanuts, sesame and eggs, other allergies having come and gone, as allergies can do, over that period.
What does this really mean?
Even though the actual chances of an allergic child or adult dying as a result of a food allergy are statistically extremely small, for the parent of an allergic child the mere possibility that it could happen is a fear that cannot be banished and can come to dominate your life. Learning to live with this fear, to keep your child safe without being overprotective, to enable him or her to live a good life, to prevent his or her allergies destroying the lives of siblings or other family members and interacting successfully with nurseries, schools and parents of other children with whom your child will come in contact are life skills that you will need to acquire. Buying Alexa’s book is an excellent way to start.
What is in the book?
Quoting liberally from allergy experts (consultants, researchers, doctors, nurses) and other allergy parents and using her own family’s experiences as a starting point Alexa takes you on the full journey. What the condition is (and is not), how to recognise and treat an allergic reaction, getting a diagnosis (not always easy), dealing with your own, your child’s and other family members’ anxiety and the emotional fallout of having a seriously allergic child.
Then the practical stuff.
Where you will find allergens, shopping (endless checking of ingredients) , keeping your home allergen free, cooking (including some fail safe recipes), eating out (a scary ordeal for anyone with allergies but, with planning, manageable), going to or hosting childrens’ parties.
Nursery and school.
It is hard enough dealing with your child’s allergies when they are under your care 24/7 – but what about when they are old enough to go to nursery or to school and you have to hand their care over to someone else?
For this to work successfully (and it can) you need endless tact, negotiating skills, ingenuity, a clear plan of how you child needs to be looked after, determination and understanding of the difficulties that schools face in keeping allergic children safe. You also need to be clear sighted enough to recognise whan an environment is not right, and cannot be made right, for your child. And you need to school your child to know and understand enough about their allergies to be able to have some agency in how they are looked after when they are at school.
Transition to secondary school, on to university and an independent life
Empowering your child to take on responsibility for their own care: learning how to manage their own food, how to explain their allergies, how to fight their corner to ensure their own safety, learning to enlist the help of their friends to help keep them safe.
Teaching them to live a full life which accommodates their allergies but is not governed by them. And although Syney is nowhere near that stage yet, Alexa includes contributions from ‘children’ who are now in their mid to late 20s and have found ways to do just that.
Alexa is a journalist by trade which means that she writes clearly and engagingly. You never feel that you are being lectured yet the book is packed with well referenced advice. This, combined with the copious quotes from medical experts and other allergic families, gives one truckloads of confidence that she has been there, really understands the problems and that her suggestions for managing the challenges you are faced with really will be the life saver that you are reaching for.
If you have a child with a food allergy, or if you know anyone else who has, buy this book, read and share!
My Family and Food Allergies is published by Sheldon Press. Available from good book shops or on Amazon. Between £11.50 and £15.00 depending on where you buy it.
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